My niece turned 18 last week. She mentioned that she was old enough to sign up for an account on Tinder. I had a minor heart attack.
I've been navigating the waters of online dating for nearly 7 years now. I've had/have accounts on OK Cupid, Tinder, Plenty of Fish and Bumble. It's a hobby of mine these days, since I don't know any other way to meet people. I keep my expectations low and try to have fun with it whenever possible. I've experienced the good, the bad and the very ugly. If you are young, innocent or faint of heart, please stop reading now, because I'm fixin' to get real.
Also, NEVER search "dick pic" on Google. This little guitar pick with the word dick on it is not the result. I did get a good laugh out of that though.
Ok, so back to my adventures in online dating. My experience has been greatly varied. I feel like dating online is like walking down a hallway getting penises lobbed at you and you are ducking to avoid getting smashed in the face by some dick. I have seen dicks of all shape and sizes. Please note, I have never requested to see a man's penis. It isn't something I can say I crave to look at. Maybe the girls who won't be photographed without filters do, but I don't.
I find the way men approach women interesting. I had a recent exchange with a man who wanted me to know he was in need of some cuddling. This was my response....
But I just couldn't let it go with that. I was feeling feisty that morning.
After that conversation, I felt like I had dropped some bomb ass finishing move. I am so good at this online dating shit. That's why I'm still single. I've avoided some real winners!
Politics seeped in yesterday. One of my dating profiles has a touch of anti Trump on it. This winner wanted me to know his stance.
But is he down with the crowns??? He had more to say but when I thanked him for the blog fodder, he deleted the conversation. I only got these tasty nuggets to laugh with my bestie.
This morning takes the cake though. A real gem.
That made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. You're going to ma'am me when you offer your husband to me? Yeah, I doubt that is for real. Just another guy who I imagine is going through life with his dick in one hand and his phone in the other.
Online dating isn't all bad, that's why I still subject myself to it. I've made some great friends. I've been turned on to some awesome music. I've had some amazing dates. I've even fallen in love a couple times, briefly. But I also have been robbed and mildly sexually assaulted. So be careful kids! It's a jungle out there!!!
Love Life.
Be Art.
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